No cancellations allowed

Liz has a cough and a head cold, and she kept the baby while I took the big boys to church. Here's the conversation as I drove them home:

Jensen:   "Hey, Dad?"

Me:         "What, dude."
Jensen:   "Did Mom got cancelled?"

Me:         "What do you mean?"

Jensen:   "Did Mom got cancelled again?"

Me:         After some thought... "Are you asking if Mom has cancer?"

Jensen:   "Yeah."

Cohen:    Big brother pipes up: "No, Jensen, Mom gets her medicine every three weeks so the cancer
              doesn't come back."

Jensen:   "Yeah, cuv I don't want Mom to get cancelled."

Me:         "Me neither, buddy, me neither."


 

The break-up

Dear 2013,

I break up with you.

As with any break-up, I thought long and hard about it, but ultimately it is the right decision.  Please know that there were some good times that I treasure. The not-so-good outweigh them, though, so it is time for us both to move on. You probably are not shocked by this news, but just in case I will give you some of the reasons.

January started off with a bang and with such promise! You and I both felt good, our relationship was getting stronger—you were going to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I just knew it. Although it was cold, February came and we were so happy. Valentine’s day was perfect.

Then the end of the month came and I began to sense something that made me uneasy. By the beginning of March I was done with you. Then came April, May and June. Why did you even stay all those months? It was cruel and unusual punishment. Tormenting me. You were this close to becoming stalkerish.

Thankfully the light and heat of summer finally came in July and our future looked a bit brighter again. We had a long, long ways to go but at least we were talking again. With the end of summer and beginning of Fall in August and September we fell into an easy rhythm. Although, I admit, I was still quite bitter that you short-changed my summer. If you really knew me, you would have never done that. Sadly, you blew it come October. And November. There were a lot of good things in those months, but again you had to throw in some not- so-good things. Broken hearts (and rib).

All the cheering of Christmas made December a welcome relief. Thank you for that. Bells ringing, children singing and a most memorable sun shining beach vacation finally helped me to be done with you, 2013.

Thank you for the memories, but please don’t ever, ever come back. Memories are enough. Visits don’t have to happen. Ever.

Yours truly,

Liz

P.S. Oh, and I met a new friend! 2014. We’re perfect for each other.

2013 Top 10

Sorry to disappoint you, but this isn't a top 10 list. I just figured the title would get your attention. And now you're still reading, in spite of this awkward introduction. How else to start a blog post when I haven't written in a while?

So last night I decided to go all Arizona and throw on some flip flops for a quick trip to Chipotle. Nothing says Christmas Eve Eve like a steaming bowl of rice and beans. Well, that wasn't the best decision. Flip flops I mean, not Chipotle. It was zero degrees with a -19 wind chill. You know how your forehead aches when briefly out in the harsh, cold wind? That's what my toes felt like. Fortunately it was only for all night long. But no frostbite or gangrene, so we're good to go. I did fall asleep on the couch out of sheer exhaustion, or perhaps it was a coma, but you ain't never seeing that picture that my sweet and beautiful wife took (RIGHT, LIZ?!).

First off, the great news: Liz's markers and blood work and heart tests all are NORMAL! In fact, her numbers improved to all-time record levels this past week. She still has her antibody treatments every three weeks, and we'll keep that going, since it's working. Her hair is growing in nicely (with an awesome waviness in the back...I hope she'll go for a mullet, but I think that's off the table). Nails need a little more length before it's mani/pedi time. We are so grateful.

Next: I'm done with the second progression of school. Wahoo!! Graduation in May, only eight more courses to go. But it's a nice, albeit short, break. Last tuition payment is in. It's go time. I was this close (imagine me pinching my fingers together in front of my face with one eye closed) to quitting the program when Liz was diagnosed in March. But she pushed me to keep going with the program, and amazing classmates and work colleagues helped buoy me through the toughest times.

Finally: I should think about something important to write here, since this writing structure seems so appropriate. Hmm...

The boys are doing great! On Tuesday of the week of Thanksgiving, we took Cohen and Jensen to the surgery center for some fun. Cohen had his adenoids removed and tubes put in his ears. Jensen had his tonsils removed. Cohen recovered quickly...almost too quickly actually. Apparently the fluid in his ears really did prevent him from hearing well -- he asked us to "turn off all of the noise" and he shut himself in his room for most of the first two days. It took Jensen nearly two weeks to fully recover, but he's doing great now. Eli stumbles around and mumbles all of the time (he takes after me). He just got his first haircut last week too. Unfortunately, he keeps getting ear infections, so we have a triple ENT visit scheduled for January: follow up for the big boys and potential ear tube prep for Eli.

We'll write up a "year end review" on this here blog some time in the few weeks. Just have to survive Christmas Eve and Day with some overexcited boys. In the meantime, Merry Christmas to you all! Thank you for your love, support, prayers, and help throughout this difficult year. We couldn't have done it all without you.

Go Team Liz!

 

Gym Guy

So I had a good workout today, which basically means I didn't loathe my trainer and I didn't look in the mirror. I headed to the locker room, donned my sweet swim trunks, excited for a relaxing few minutes in the hot tub. Until I saw gym guy lounging around in the water. You know, the one who likes to dry off his nether regions with the hair dryer in his right hand and his left foot up on the counter. So I just went back to the showers, probably because I knew he wouldn't be in there.

I'm not good at picking out faces in a crowd, at describing how someone looks. But I tend not to forget funny and horrible experiences. So while at the gym, I just pretend that they're all the same person.

Remember purple silk briefs gym guy? Yeah, he's also turquoise-silk-briefs-with-purple-silk-dress-shirt-and-Axe-body-spray gym guy.

Then there's Right Guard aerosol gym guy. It's almost like he wants to disappear like a magician in smoke or a squid in ink. One second he's there, fogging the locker room, and the next second he's gone in a poof of canned deodorant spray.

Don't get me started on stretching-in-too-small-towel-while-in-sauna gym guy.

I have noticed that with the weather turning colder and the air drying out, gym guy uses a lot of lotion. I'm cool with that. Hands, elbows, maybe feet. My problem is when body-lotion-rubdown-in-the-nude gym guy thinks he's in his bathroom at home. I didn't even know lotion belonged there.

Weatherman-gym-guy and I chat every morning. He likes to tell me about stupid people who pay him flat fees to plow snow from their driveways and parking lots. I know when payday is, and he tells me how much he makes. Our three minute conversations always start with "Hey, bro. No snow today. Sweeeeeeet." I wish he wouldn't talk to me.

Then there's high-school-football gym guy. I get it: supporting the school kids, enjoying Friday night lights. But he doesn't have any kids at the school. He doesn't even live in the area. He's just a superfan of the team, buying all of their gear (at least all of their t-shirts and gym shorts). He records each game then "breaks down tape" every morning with the poor guy next to him who must not realize that he could pick a different locker.

My favorite moment last week was when I met lying-down-by-the-hot-tub-and-it-looks-like-he's-dead gym guy. It's not like anyone introduced us. I walked by the hot tub and he was lying there on the tile, neck contorted as he leaned against the wall. He totally looked dead. Not breathing, drool dripping from the corner of his mouth. First Aid merit badge time... I tapped his knee with a good "Hey man, you ok?" To which he responded, "$*^% man I'M SLEEPING." Jeez, with an attitude like that, he'll have a hard time getting anyone to tap his knee when he really dies on the tile by the hot tub at the gym.

Unfortunately, leg-on-counter-with-high-powered-hair-dryer gym guy bid me adieu as I left the gym this morning. Someone should tell him that the towels are free and he doesn't need to blow dry all of his parts. Maybe I'll tap him on the knee tomorrow and let him know.

Quarterback sneak (The Results - Part III)

Liz has had a lingering, terrible cough for a couple of weeks now. Yesterday morning she woke up with searing pain on the right side of her chest. So I cancelled my work trip and we rushed into the doctor. X-rays were negative for anything related to cancer or broken bones. Hmmm... But we learned that you get to jump to the front of the x-ray line when you have a cancer doctor's nurse write "STAT" on the order.

Then Cohen's teacher told us that he was coloring and crying in the nurse's office with jaw pain, so Liz took him to the dentist then to the pediatrician. It turns out that he has a bad sinus infection that wasn't cleared up on the antibiotics he's been ingesting for the last nine days. Antibiotic switch. We learned that it helps to get into the fully-booked pediatrician when the dentist calls them first.

Now back to Liz.

Instead of having the cancer update CT scan on Thursday as we secretly had planned, we pulled it up to Tuesday morning, at the urging of the super cancer nurse. Like that's not supposed to freak us out. So here's the good and the bad news:

Good:

• The cancer has not spread to any new areas or expanded in any existing areas. WAHOO!!!! And her blood work still shows normal levels of the sciency things they track. Treatments continue to work swimmingly. We were really nervous about this test, the first one since she got the good news from the doc a few months ago. We didn't share the timing of the test until we could get the results ourselves. What a relief. So my quarterback ran a sneak and scored a touchdown against cancer. Go Team Liz!

Bad:

• Liz has a broken rib.

Her entire chest hurts when she moves, when she breathes, when she's lying down or sitting up. But it's definitely not related to cancer, so that's the silver lining here. She got some new cough medicine from the doctor and is curled up in her bed today. Ain't nobody got time for that. But here's hoping that she can get through the worst of the pain, that the coughing goes away, and that she's back on her feet quickly. Pumpkin carving tonight, trick-or-treating tomorrow, date night Friday... Gotta get well. Maybe she should be bundled up as a mummy tomorrow. Cohen and Jensen have been practicing, though I'm not sure their costumes will work well if it rains tomorrow night.

The latest Team Liz Logo submissions put a smile on her face, though. Thanks, Jen!

Go Team Liz.

Blue Ridge Parkway

South Carolina

The travelers

Quite an eventful couple of weeks. I intended to write like tons of bloggy stuff, but honestly, it is exhausting to think about the next test, the next treatment, the next anxious wait for results. I was waiting to blog after the results from her most recent scan, but it didn't happen yet (we had to reschedule for a few more weeks out), so I wrote nothing instead.

This is tough. Liz will continue going in for treatments every three weeks for as long as they keep working (and they are working). She will have scans every 3-6 months to make sure there are no surprises. I wonder if the nervous gulp in my throat will ever go away as we wait for each set of results. It's hard recognizing that cancer will always be a part of every major family decision, vacation plan, work trip schedule. Probably harder when the family is sick too -- Liz and Cohen can't shake the chest colds. But blood work is all still "normal" and all signs are good that she continues to recover. We are grateful for each day we have together, and the prayers continue to help. Thank you.

Liz called me last week, after we had returned from the trip and I was back at work. The conversation went something like this:

Me: "Hi babe."
Liz: "This is the first time I've been alone in 12 days. Just wanted to let you know. Love you, bye."

The trip to visit grandmas and grandpas was well worth it, and the boys cherished every moment. I need to see if I have some pictures of Grandma and Grandpa in Idaho with the boys. It was so good to see them after also spending a day or two with G&G of Utah. But the trek was tiring for me lady, especially since I left her for a few days to come back to work and school. So we went out to dinner and a movie last week to spend some time together. Liz is the hot one on the right:

It was so good to see my beautiful, wise, and hilarious 92-year old grandma while in Idaho:

And we took a quick visit to BYU campus and the bookstore for some gear before we went back to the airport:

 

 The tired traveling boys were really excited to get back on the airplane though.

And we capped it off with a Saturday night piano recital. Cohen's first. He was very anxious, but he powered through, and it was awesome to see the sense of relief and accomplishment and pride wash over him as soon as he finished. Big moment for him to overcome those fears.

Go Team Liz.

Happy birthday, Eli!

It's hard to believe that our baby is now one year old. We opened presents after work and Jensen got to pick where we went for dinner: Chili's. Boom. Then after dinner we went back home for our family's first-birthday tradition of cupcakes. I'll try to find a better one of Eli. He was super excited about Liz's baking prowess. The Bigs (Cohen and Jensen) sang "Happy Birthday" a lot. All day. Jensen got a little tired of it...

Early the next morning we got the boys up, drove to Midway, and hopped on a plane to Salt Lake City. Have I mentioned lately that Jensen is 3? Just wanted to call it out. He's 3. But we survived, and as you can see, the boys were all pretty excited about the trip.

We got the rental car, drove straight to Cafe Rio (yes, it was that important), ate in the parking lot of Smith's grocery store, then drove to Temple Square. The boys were mesmerized by the great artwork, videos of the life of Christ, the temple, and especially the Christus statue.

 

We kept walking across the street to City Creek Center. That place was awesome. If you've been there, you understand. She needs a girls shopping weekend... 

We loved seeing Grandma and Grandpa for the day, back in the hotel, and the next morning before we headed up to Idaho.

I stayed overnight, helped get the boys and me lady all set up, then I drove back to SLC and flew home. Typical Idaho fall drive, what a beautiful state.

Interesting plane ride home. The grizzled guy at the window seat was mumbling as I sat down at the aisle. I asked him if he was talking to me. He said that no, he was just talking to himself. I asked, "Does it work? Talking to yourself, I mean." He replied, "Yup, ever since I was in solitary."

Then halfway through the flight a young couple's baby started crying. My new ex-con friend looked at me and pretended like he was shaking the baby by the neck. I waved him off, shook my head "no," then he gave me a knowing nod and went back to playing poker on his iPad.

I won't even talk about the guy across the aisle who smelled like bum, who unfortunately liked to stand in the aisle by my face. Perhaps he goes to the gym? Totally a Gym Guy move.

Southwest now offers free TV you can watch on your own device. I got to watch the fourth quarter of the Broncos game (GO BRONCOS). When I stood up to avoid bum guy, Roid Rage Guy paused from flirting with anyone who would listen and asked from the aisle behind me, "Did you see the Broncos game?" I replied, "Yeah, last second field goal, Broncos win." He fake-threw his earphones, swore, and said, "Man, I was going to watch that!" I told him it was his own fault for not giving the obligatory disclaimer. Then he tried to save face by asking lame questions about how much I like my phone.

I'm glad to be home. Just wish I was with my family. Busy week of work and study before classes this weekend, but I'll head back to Idaho on Saturday night. Hang in there, Liz! I'll let you sleep in when we get back, I promise.

Go Team Liz.

Carpe Diem

Liz and I have been talking about how we can make the most of every day, every opportunity, every minute with our family that we can. Now that we're in a relatively "stable" place in her treatments, we have been striving to seize the day. Sometimes it just means some quiet time with her boys, or silly errands with me.

So like everyone knows that September 19th is International Talk Like A Pirate Day, right? Liz was a good sport and stopped by work to celebrate with my team. Arrrr, me hearty!

On 9/21 my friend Ross from my Notre Dame MBA class brought his Ford Mustang to show the boys. They went crazy for it. Especially Jensen: it's blue. Ross slowly drove each them around the neighborhood, then both of them together. Jensen tells me that it's just like my car ('02 Honda Civic with personality problems). Cohen apparently spent the whole time telling Ross how terrible my car is and that I need to get a Mustang just like his. Doh. So, Ross, even though you got my oldest son to hate my car, thanks for coming.

After Ross and I grabbed lunch at Frank's Night Out (YUM!), Liz and I decided to give the boys an apple orchard experience that included just the happy parts. The boys were sad that the apples they picked with Victoria the week before were left in the car after the accident. We wanted to get some more, and Liz wanted to make her own applesauce with the spoils of our labors (our booty, perhaps?). Some assorted photos from our journey below, including the boys playing in a silo of corn and Cohen shooting apples out of an air cannon. Awesome.

And Liz's applesauce is AMAZING. Her first canning venture, big success.

We've been enjoying our time together. Eli is a joy, even if he's growing too fast (he turns 1 tomorrow!). Jensen is a silly, quirky, joyful boy. Cohen is a loving, smart, active big brother. We're so blessed to have them in our lives.

Jensen has been sick for the past few days, and Cohen and I have coughs. Tomorrow evening we'll have Eli's birthday party, then we'll get the boys up early on Friday for a family vacation! About time. We'll see Grandma and Grandpa in Utah Fri-Sat, then we'll drive up to see Grandma and Grandpa in Idaho. Too much going on with work and school right now, so I'll come back Sunday night, then after classes on 10/12 I'll head West to go pick them all up. Wish us luck... !

Go Team Liz.