Struggling to make sense of cancer is hard. It doesn't make sense. It probably never will. But after a difficult couple of days, this is what I came up with to help me make sense of it all.
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Having cancer is like playing football.
You are unexpectedly thrust onto the field during the first game of the season. The roar of the home crowd strengthens you, the cheerleaders cheer. You dig in, you fight, you hurt, you bleed. You follow your coach and give your all, then with a little luck, you win. The fans lift you above their shoulders and carry you off the field.
But after the game, the lights go out and nearly everyone goes home. Only your most ardent supporters stay by your side, quietly helping you pick up the pieces of your life that you just left on the field. You nurse your sore body, eat right, exercise, and you try to enjoy practice when you know it is just preparation for the next game.
No one knows when you will play in the next game. You hope the team, coach and cheerleaders will be back when that day comes. You quietly hope that you don't have to play again, but if you do, you only want to play if you will win.
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As awful the physical "game" of cancer has been, equally as tough is the mental game. Knowledge is power, but sometimes knowing all the plays is just too much. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't wonder what next month will be like, let alone next year. I am a worrier. So now I pray for peace daily, sometimes hourly. If I don't do this, the emptiness of the field becomes too all-consuming.
I am determined to win every game, big or small. I have to beat the opposing team. I am not ready to have a losing record. I need to win.
Liz
Beautiful and so full of strength. You're a fighter, Liz (and Aaron,.and the rest of the family). That's always been true about you.
ReplyDeleteYou still have an army next to you cheering you on and praying for you every day. We do not know what life holds for us, but like you, we make the best of what we have. I loved your analogy, it makes a lot of sense.
ReplyDeleteLove you guys
Profound.
ReplyDeleteWe are still part of the roaring crowd, just a soft side. You and your wonderful family are in our prayers always.
ReplyDeleteLove you, Liz!!!! Keep praying-- we are too!
ReplyDeleteLiz, you amaze and inspire me. We continue to pray for your and your family every day. Love you!!!
ReplyDeleteSo true!!! Some days we appreciated the lights being out... others we longed to hear the team cheering for us again. Sadly, many of the recovery battles you face after a cancer fight are done alone, those can be the toughest ones. Few people realize how many months it takes to start feeling good again. Please know that even though some of the fans have gone home, they'd RUN back to the stadium if they knew or realized the game was still going.
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