There will always be room for better, but not until there is room for now

Busy summer with trips to see grandparents, lots of fantastic family time, normal frustrations, understandable worries, new job responsibilities, and continued positive news on the cancer front: tests are still showing no signs of cancer, and the treatments keep working! Liz and I celebrated our 15-year anniversary a couple of weeks ago, and we couldn't be more grateful for the journey, even with the problems presented by stupid cancer. It's worth it, and not just because she's hot. Note the bofelfies (both of us selfies) below:



I've obviously been struggling with where to start (again) when it comes to this here blog. Sometimes sharing others' thoughts is easier (and better) than coming up with my own. I read Johnny T's blog post a couple of days ago. It sounds like he is figuring out life in limbo after cancer: treatments worked, he's doing well, but still has to keep thinking about it and testing for it. Sounds familiar.

The author writes that "there will always be room for better, but not until there is room for now." The idea of making room for now has constantly been on my mind since Liz was diagnosed 17 months ago... It's easy (and tempting!) to say "not now" or "maybe later" or "tomorrow" when it comes to sharing experiences and activities, or doing things with the kids. Making room for now is within our control, especially when there are so many things outside of our control. I haven't got the hang of it just yet, but I'm trying: just say "yes".

Go Team Liz.

Reprinted with permission from Johnny T. Original post located at:
http://www.johnnytthatsme.com/top-five-things-learned-cancer/

Top Five Things I Learned from Cancer

August 6, 2014 By Johnny T

I often write about life after cancer, and the things about it that can be a total drag. I do so with reason. The main reason being that people just don’t talk about it enough. It’s easy to read about all these great things that happen when you move on to being a survivor. How the skies are clearer, the sun is brighter, and everything is just oh so wonderful. The truth is that many people find themselves struggling in life after cancer. It can be confusing and taxing on the mind to think everything should be better than before, but still be facing so many struggles. So I write about it often so others know they are not alone in these struggles, and to also seek the advice of those who have been there before me.

But this isn’t all to say that everything in my life after cancer has been a drag. That’s far from the case. There have been many positive things that came out of my experience. Many wonderful things I have learned, the better person I have become in a lot of ways. Cancer didn’t totally ruin me. After all, I’m still here. So to break the cycle a little bit, today I have compiled a list. There are many things to be said about facing your mortality and moving on to a life after cancer and treatment. So today, I bring you the top fie things I learned from cancer.

1) Life goes on - I don’t mean this in the sense that life will go on after cancer. We all know too well that for some, there is no life after cancer. What I mean is, despite that challenges of diagnosis and treatment, around us, life is still going on. This becomes a difficult lesson in acceptance. All around me, for everyone else and including me, life was still moving on at its normal hurried pace. I had to learn to accept this and accept that there was going to be plenty that I would miss. There would be things I wanted to do, my plans, that simply could not be. But I couldn’t expect life to stop for me, or for anyone else. The kids still grew, the seasons still changed, I still got just a little bit older. I had to roll with it the best I could, disabilities and abilities both. And just like life, I had to keep going on.

2) Some things just aren’t meant to be understood - In a brief recent exchange on Twitter, I was talking with a girl who has also gone on to life after cancer. Her initial pondering was this:

My initial response was that I had been wondering the same thing for going on two years. After then saying that she just doesn’t get it, I replied “I’ve come to learn that some things in life weren’t meant to be understood. They just are, as are we.” There is no universal explanation on life. We are just here. While science can research a lot of what happens in life, and religion can try to explain how life came to be, the simple fact still remains: some things just aren’t meant to be understood. To use cancer as an example, we can understand how cancer behaves, and how to eradicate it from the body, but we will never understand why it exists in the first place. Science will tell you one thing, religion still another. Just like death, or sorrow, or unexpected tragedy, we aren’t meant to understand anything. Somethings just are, and it’s another lesson in acceptance. Wasting too much time trying to figure things out will only drive you further away from life itself.

3) It could always be better - This seems a little bit odd, but I promise it’s true. The normal saying to here is “It could always be worse” and that would also be true. But that’s something I learned early on in life, and was only reaffirmed when I received my diagnosis. What I didn’t realize was how the reality of the phrase “it could always be better” would manifest itself. Long before my diagnosis, I wished things were better for myself and my family. Better job, better place to live, better financial stability, better car. Then I was hit with the news of a cancer diagnosis. And I found myself wishing to have better health, better strength, better resolve, better care, better everything at that point. Since then, I have wished for a better functioning body, better days than some of the ones I still have. No matter where we are in life, things can always be better. What’s the lesson in that? Learning how to accept how things are, and always working for the better. There will always be room for better, but not until there is room for now.

4) There is no self in support - It’s hard to do a lot of things on your own. Living with and after cancer is the same way. For the longest duration of all of this, I tried to carry on with little support. I tried to look in myself for strength and for comfort and for understanding. I tried to heal my own wounds and my own feelings. The end result? I failed miserably. I continued on a downward journey instead of picking myself back up. There is no self in support. In the weeks, months, and almost 2 years following my diagnosis, I have slowly learned how to lean on the support of others. Sometimes it’s not easy, but it’s just necessary. Now I have a great network of support that I can call on at any time. Chances are, you aren’t walking your road alone. Someone else is, or has, and there is someone out there to confide in. As long as there is always a someone else, there will never be a self in support.

5) Life simply is - Refer back to number 2 for a moment. Some things are just not meant to be understood. Life as a whole is like that. No matter what we think we know, or what we for fact know, the only great certain is that life is. Through good times and bad, life just is, and that’s better than life not being at all. It’s the most basic of knowledge that can get you through another day, another treatment, another scan. The fact that you are means life still is. And given the alternative, that’s a pretty great thing to know.