I can't understand myself

Chemo Treatment 1, Round 1, Day 3.

Another awesome submission for the official Team Liz logo competition from my amazing sister-in-law:

Game on. Lest ye forget:

CoolPeopleSubmitTeamLizLogos@gmail.com

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A couple of nights ago I noticed that Cohen was taking longer than usual to brush his teeth before bed. He usually does a great job, especially since we instituted the rule that he has to sing the ABC song twice before he can finish. So I checked on him, and he had his "pickle face" on.

Me: What's wrong, buddy?
C:  (exasperated) Dad, I tried to sing the alphabet song while I brushed my teeth, but I couldn't understand myself.
Me: What do you mean?
C:  (frustrated humming, mumbled lyrics, violent head bobbing) SEE? I can't sing the words with the toothbrush in my mouth.
Me: I'm pretty sure you know the words. Maybe just think about them while you brush.
C:  (relieved nodding) Okay, Dad.

Cohen has his up and down days. Because he's 6. And because he'd rather be running than cooped up inside. And because he loves his mom and worries about her. And because he wants a snack. Today was both up and down. But just before bedtime, he held Liz's hand, hugged her constantly, kissed her face all over. She needed that. So did he. And I needed to see it.

Jensen understands himself just fine. As long as he sleeps and eats, he's the happiest kid on the planet. He's not phased at all by Mom laid up the last few days -- I actually think he likes it, so he can "go sleep next to her and her read me a story." He doesn't stay long, but he loves throwing her door open with a cheery "HI MOM!" and a giggle.

Baby Eli is a wary one. If you're out of his eyesight for more than 4 hours, it's almost like he's offended -- he won't look you in the eyes, won't respond with a smile. He'll warm up fast, but it makes his mom sad that her biggest fan sometimes acts a little too precious.

I'm having a hard time understanding myself lately as well. The strength I've borrowed from others, been granted from above, and discovered within has surprised me. I'm just trying to stay connected with work, school, church, while staying close to the family and providing whatever support they need. I'm not on the brink, not ready to crash and burn at any moment. That time may come, but for now, my outlets and stress relievers are also my responsibilities and obligations. I'm doing OK.

Liz is amazing. She's had a rough 3 days: sheer exhaustion, but unable to sleep enough. She aches, can't do what she wants to do, can't focus enough on things that help pass the time, can't be as involved in managing her home as she would like. Dr. Bearstone calls it a "mental fog." She's always had to take control of her situation to get through tough times and physical challenges, and she feels a little out of control right now. But hopefully only a few more days and she'll get back on top of things. If anyone can do it, she can!

Go Team Liz.

Speaking of amazing, I heard this song tonight. Exactly how I feel about me lady. WARNING: cheese alert.

Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are [OFFICIAL VIDEO]